That friend that was.....

I was busy today, I was very busy. I have worked on a project for four hours flat. While working on it I stumbled upon something. Something that was a true reflection of how I felt. Something that gave me a solution to the way I felt. The solution that seems simple but is not.

It was one of these celebrity columns in HT Cafe. One of these columns that promise a lot but deliver very little. Today's was that of Kunal Kapoor. It was a gem. It was one that made me reflect and freshened some wounds that; well had not healed but maybe I had learnt to live with

them.

The headline was 'To call or not to call.' I read on and he beautifully brought about that feeling of something being amiss; he brought about the feeling of those normal things that were normal back then but feel extraordinarily full of happiness now when you look at other people doing all that now. You get that sinking, envious feeling. A feeling you quickly try to forget; a memory you quickly try to delete; but it stays on and lingers. It lingers whenever you scroll through your contacts.

I often scroll through my contacts. There are friends there; friends from here, there and everywhere; friends that I have chosen; friends that share a lot of things with me; friends that make me think ten times before pressing that green button to call them without a particular reason!

Kunal Kapoor in the article says, "I am surrounded with friends but I have lost the one I had nothing in common with but felt most comfortable with." I share similar sentiments.

I share those sentiments of wanting to call that friend too. But I share his dilemma of what his reaction would be. Does he miss the time he had with me? Does he miss those things that were normal back then?

I dialed that familiar number and as soon as I dialed it I cut the call. He has not called since the drunken brawl was all that my head screamed out. I don't know whether I will find a friend who I will feel as comfortable with again. I really miss those normal things. I don't know whether 'To call or not to call.' Maybe a message would be a good idea.

Mechanical?

What or rather how are we leading our lives today? You look around and see someone yelling into the phone; someone else running to catch that elusive ride to work. You don't need to look anywhere else. Just look at yourself.

Today, we live as life wants us to live. We are machines. Machines that are programmed to function in a certain way; no one knows who the programmer is. But, all of us are programmed. Even re-cooperation, replenishment is hard to come by because you are sick of the same old ways of doing so.

Our cities are getting eaten up by people. The people are in turn are getting eaten up by the city. It is a give and take relationship that is destroying both parties.

Do we have time for the small things in life today; the small things that are the best things; the best things that are free? Do we have time to look out of the window to notice that beautiful sunset? Are we so obsessed with the concrete, urban jungles that we are ready to let the actual jungles; the way God wanted them to be; be felled?

The bottom line is that we don't. Some people are happy being mechanical and others are not happy but just have to be so. Some courageous ones break the mechanical shell and carve a path for themselves. They are the ones who will have something different to tell you at the end.

I currently belong to the second group. I am desperate to make the jump. But as I said you need a lot of courage to go that way. Will I be able to muster that? I don't know.

Since we are born there is a fixed pattern that is preset by our elders. Schooling starts when you are three. Kids are taught to look ahead, know what they want in advance. All that is fine but where is the kid's childhood in all this? It gets lost. The child gets mechanical and he remains mechanical till he finishes studies. He grows up hearing that you have to get a safe, secure, well paid job and once you achieve that your life will be the way you want it to be. Once he gets that he realizes that life is not what he wants it to be. The job makes him even more mechanical. There is no escaping it.

I don't want to be a mechanical individual. I want to have time for the small things in life. I love the things that are free.

The next time you are passing Marine Drive in the evening notice that sanguine sunset, notice the sun playing hide and seek with you, enjoy the constancy of the sea. It will bring you a contented feeling. You will know that the best things in life are indeed free. Things that God gave everyone; me, you, the animals, the earthworms, all his creations to love and enjoy.